Michelle Emmaline

2012-02-01T23:30:00.000+08:00

There's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it's not giving up. It's realising you don't need certain people and their crap.

2011-12-12T01:54:00.002+08:00

As much as I've always lamented about how much I have sacrificed for the sport, at the end of the day, I am nothing but greatful for the values this sport has inculcated in me - The undying passion I see in the eyes of my teammates, the perserverance that pulls us all through trainings and most importantly, the self-discipline one ought to have. Ever since I joined the sport last year, I have learnt not to quit. Because once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit. It is contagious, it becomes part of you, embedded in you and it dwells in your everyday life.

2011-11-15T22:27:00.003+08:00

Maybe you were right. Maybe what you did was what's best for the both of us; it was something I couldn't see back then. I thought you could tolerate my ways, and I could put up with the fact that you won't be around often. At the end of the day, we can only laugh at our stupidity and naïveté.

2011-10-22T21:40:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I feel like shit. Sometimes I wanna quit and just be normal for abit.

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike the match
You're bound to feel the flame

You think that I'd learn the cost of love
Paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out, I haven't learned a thing

2011-10-13T23:41:00.002+08:00

“I thought I knew you. But you proved me wrong. At the end of it all, the only one I can depend on is myself. I keep telling myself, maybe I shouldn’t ask for so much. But in reality, it really isn’t all that much. If you say you’re going to do something, follow through with it. Don’t leave me hanging because of some excuse. I don’t want to hear it. If you make a promise, keep it. If you know you can’t keep it, don’t make that promise. It’s as simple as that.”

Honor your words.

2011-09-21T02:20:00.002+08:00

They say it is a broken heart, but I hurt the whole body. I'm just getting used to the pain. It is there, slowly consuming every part of me. What did I do wrong? You're an itch I can't scratch. I don't know what to do with you? With a broken leg, you lay everything down and heal. With a broken heart, you just have get on with life and move the fuck on.

I'm not okay, but I have to. And it sucks.

2011-09-17T23:32:00.002+08:00

You weren't with me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.

You threw your arms up baby, you gave up. You gave up.

You left me speechless. You left me speechless, so speechless.

You will be sorry.

2011-09-16T00:02:00.002+08:00

It's been so hard for me. I fought so hard, for you and for her.

Wonder who knows, who cares, and who's fighting for me?

2011-09-08T01:27:00.002+08:00

People don't change. You just get to know them better.

2011-09-06T00:52:00.001+08:00

I'm not gonna write you to stay. If your heart is nowhere in it, I don't want it for a minute.

Game over.

2011-09-03T17:35:00.002+08:00

Anyone, ask me anything.

April, the first. September, the third. And we are back to where we were five months ago. Five months ago, we reconciled after five long years. Five months ago, I sat before you, not knowing how important you would be to me. Five months ago, my heart raced. Five months ago, you wanted me. Now, five months later, I sit before you, bounded to you. Now, five months later, I want you. Now, five months later, my heart still races. But for the wrong reasons.

We were so close, so close to that famous happy ending. No, I was always so close to feeling alive. You make me feel invincible, unbreakable. I need you to understand this. I do not have any magical gift that can take your doubt away, I cannot fill the void that feels unfillable, but I can stay with you, every step of the way. If I could tell you this, I would.

They say it is easier to walk away. But I believe it is easier to fall back to your old habits.

2011-09-02T14:28:00.003+08:00

I believe everyone has a breaking point. And when you get to that point, you just can't be like this anymore. It is no longer an option. Till then, I promise I will give, just keep giving, give my everything, till I'm all bone-dry. Then, I would have known that I have done my best and there was nothing more I could do, no other way I could have done it better.

Till then.

2011-08-31T02:28:00.002+08:00

When the nights are getting cold and blue

When the days are getting hard for you

I will always stay here by your side

I promise you I'll never hide

The things you've said, they don't matter.

The things you've offer, I'll be okay with them.

Yeah, I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't wanna be there.

2011-08-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

I loved you, but that was yesterday.

So don't look back in anger I heard you say.

People come and people go.

But people who stay are the ones made of gold.

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road, someone's gotta go. And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better, but I want you to move on, so I'm already gone. There's no moving on, so I'm already gone.

2011-08-13T20:48:00.005+08:00

Love makes you weak, dependent and fat.

I haven't talked to you because I don't know what to say anymore. I can't make this about you. Not anymore. I can't compromise. And I'm not sorry for it. If I have to do this on my own, I will do it on my own. I have so much in my mind I'm getting muddle-headed lately. I hope it goes away.

To a good semester ahead.

2011-08-04T23:37:00.003+08:00

I was unwell today. They say it is a broken heart, but I hurt the whole body. My woes, they made me feel nauseated. People who fail you; they are usually the ones you least expect. That is when you hurt, that is when you feel nauseated because never (in your lifetime) will you expect them to fuck you over. Never will you expect them to walk out on you, just like that. My words, you tossed them over your shoulders like it was nothing. Now, there's just one thing or two I'd like you know. I loved you, but you put a dart right through my dreams, right through my heart. But all is not lost. It's heartwarming to know that some things haven't changed :')

2011-08-01T19:41:00.005+08:00

Success is the best revenge.

Because somewhere along the way, I lost myself.

Because at the end of the day, all that you've really got is yourself.

Because I laid my cards out on the table and you turned your back.

Because I stopped chasing leaves and decided to walk.

You know, I still don't get why. I still don't get you. But I guess I don't have to. You can't blame me for saying nasty things. You can't blame me for being the way I am now, because this is the least I could do. After everything, after everything. I'm standing here and I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't see what I see. I'm in a living hell. Every waking moment is a nightmare. I would never do what you did to me. I would never leave you in the lurch. I'm just saying.

2011-07-22T21:26:00.003+08:00

It's appalling how many people have disappointed me in every possible way in these 13 days. It's scary how people tell you, you've made a difference in my life, one minute and then walk out on you the next. It's scary how people tell you they love you one day and then decided not to speak to you the very next. It's scary how people walk away from you when you're drunk, desperate and heartbroken. It's scary how people don't care. It's scary how people don't listen. There are things that I don't say, not because I don't want to, not because I don't know how to, but because talking reopens the wound, talking relives the pain. Some nightmares don't end once we open our eyes. I can't forget and I definitely can't forgive you but I can play pretend. In life, people let you down. So why don't you do something for yourself?

2011-07-15T18:57:00.003+08:00

1. Today I had a salad bowl and did nothing else I would have loved to do.

2. It hurts so bad I hope it's nothing life-threatening.

3. So much to worry about aiyo!

4. Wants a starbucks fix.

5. Better go bathe and get some things done tonight.

2011-07-14T16:09:00.002+08:00

It's Friday tomorrow and I want:

1. A movie

2. A haircut

3. A book

4. A salad bowl

5. To club

Okay, someone ask me out likka now!

My Wonderwall

2011-07-11T11:28:00.003+08:00

NAT: MICH. YOU'RE GONNA FIGHT, FIGHT LIKE HELL. FIGHT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER FOUGHT BEFORE. MENTALLY STRONGER, EVERY EXTRA STROKE YOU TAKE. OVERCOME THE PAIN; YOU'RE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER, WE'RE WITH YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I'LL BE ROWING FOR YOU. LET'S ROW OUR HARDEST AND DIE AT THE FINISHING LINE. GOGOGO!

I haven't been able to stop smiling since we crossed the finishing line. I'm so proud of everyone :')

2011-07-10T10:12:00.003+08:00

7 hours to the big race. I am nervous and so I'm just gonna type whatever that comes to my mind. So basically, for the past few months, my teammates and I have been training (like dogs) for this final race, which will conclude the season. It's a 1000m race against the 3 other universities. It will not an easy race and it is really anyone's to take. Yes, we have been training like dogs, but they've been training equally hard as well and so what makes us deserve this cup? Whatever that we could not do in the 10 crew yesterday, we will do it in the 20 crew today :) From the starting line, we will keep pull away from the rest, keep pulling away. At the halfway mark, whatever baggage whatever pain, we will put them all down, sit up and go again. Every stroke we take, we will inch closer to the finishing line, where Sir will be waiting for us, where all the seniors will be cheering us on, where our friends and family will be, where the cup is. Whether we are at the front or back, we will do a hell of a charge. The 20 of us will charge to the finishing line. Together we can. We will do whatever it takes and if we have to, we will die at the finishing line. And we will unload to a cheering crowd, to a very proud Sir :) We will end the season well for Sir. We will give Sir 100-0.

All who have wished me well, just wanna say that it really means a lot to me and I really, truly appreciate it. This race means a lot to me.

Let's go girls! It's time to show them what we've got. 來啊,國大!

2011-07-02T20:57:00.004+08:00

#after10july:

1. Watch X-men & Transformers.

2. A huge pack of fries to myself.

3. Sleep all day, party all night.

4. Go to timbre.

5. Indulge in grey's all day and all night (without guilt).

6. Go shopping.

7. Hang with the girls.

8. Get another ink.

9. Pierce my ear.

10. Read (no fucking romance I swear).

And yes, that's really all I wanna do till school reopens.

2011-07-01T10:26:00.002+08:00

Every time I close my eyes, I see the boat, the water, the motion. I keep thinking, keep thinking: What can I do now so that I wouldn't have the slightest chance to say 'what could I have done?' What can I say now to make people think 'yeah she's right.'

2011-06-30T22:02:00.003+08:00

I feel like I'm living in constant anxiety. After worrying about exams, I had to worry about holiday trainings. And after which, I had to worry about my CAP. Then, I had to worry about our Penang races. Following, I had to worry about training camp. And now, I'm worrying about my placement test in 4 days' time and the PM Cup in 10 days' time. Oh my Lord. And finally when the season closes, I will have to worry about my test result. I don't know but I really have no mood for other stuff; it's like my heart is somewhere else. I'm afraid of losing, I really am. My heart has no room left for disappointments. I lost my battle in love. I don't want to have to lose this as well. I want to win this race.

2011-06-20T23:13:00.002+08:00

Happy 21st birthday nat-bat-the-fat-cat! :)

Colourplay.

Don't chase anything but drinks and dreams.

2011-06-19T23:49:00.003+08:00

2011 Penang International Dragon Boat Festival11 & 12 June

teamNUS (:

It's your birthday N-A-T! :D

Raine brain (:

Batchmates (:

Buds (:

With the Australia Navy girls.

Pain is temporary, glory is eternal.

2011-06-03T20:07:00.002+08:00

Maybe I shouldn't frown upon seemingly-ignorant adolescents who say "I love you" as liberally as they breath air; for all we know that's about as strong as their affections can go.

While you get all gooey and romantic, I fight damn hard to stay alive every single day. Don't forget that.

2011-06-01T10:44:00.003+08:00

Be strong now, because things will get better.

It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

I think I'm doing good, feeling better everyday.

To better days ahead :)

2011-05-29T20:02:00.003+08:00

MY HOLIDAY-BUCKET LIST:

1. EAT THE DAMN CHOCOLATE CAKE,

2. GET YOUR HAIR WET,

3. LOVE SOMEONE,

4. DANCE IN THOSE MUDDY PUDDLES,

5. TELL SOMEONE OFF,

6. DRAW A PICTURE WITH CRAYONS LIKE YOU’RE STILL 6 YEARS OLD AND THEN GIVE IT TO SOMEONE WHO IS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU,

7. TAKE A NAP,

8. GO ON VACATION,

9. DO A CARTWHEEL,

10. MAKE YOUR OWN RECIPE,

11. DANCE LIKE NO ONE SEES YOU,

12. PAINT EACH NAIL A DIFFERENT COLOR,

13. TAKE A BUBBLE BATH,

14. LAUGH AT A CORNY JOKE,

15. GET ON THAT TABLE AND DANCE,

16. SURPRISE-KISS SOMEONE,

17. RUN 10KM,

18. BUY A CACTUS,

19. MAKE AN UGLY SHIRT AND WEAR IT ALL DAY,

20. LEARN A NEW LANGUAGE,

21. WRITE A SONG,

22. DATE SOMEONE YOU WOULDN’T USUALLY GO FOR,

23. MAKE A SCRAP BOOK,

24. GO ON A PICNIC,

25. RELAX IN THE SUN,

26. MAKE YOUR OWN HOME VIDEO,

27. DRINK A DOZEN SHOTS,

28. GET A HELIX PIERCING,

29. MAKE A CONFESSION,

30. WHIP UP A MEAL.

SO AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU’LL HAVE NO REGRETS, NO SORROWS, NO DISAPPOINTMENTS.

2011-05-28T21:15:00.002+08:00

It's funny how we always say to let go of things we do not even possess to begin with. Point: Never to put yourself out there only to be vulnerable. This will not be a struggle in vain. It's time to stop living in your shadow.

2011-05-26T22:24:00.002+08:00

I hate to cry, but when it comes, it comes. It is hard to always have to keep it all together. Tonight, I sent out a text that I would probably regret in the time to come. But I guess I have to know, I need to know. If I'm going to be here for you, who's going to be there for me? Since I am already upset, might as well. Learn it the hard way.

2011-05-25T10:06:00.003+08:00

Seconds, hours, so many days. You know what you want but how long can you wait? Yesterday, I spent close to 14 hours waiting for a 5-minutes call. I can't even stand spending 10 minutes at the starbucks counter just to get a latte, let alone having to spend hours waiting for a call, something so intangible? I don't know how but I eventually did. But that call never came and my heart winced a little more. I don't need you to tell me something sweet to get me by. I want you to ask me something, ask me anything. Ask me, genuinely, how my day was.

Anyone can say they love you but not everyone can wait for you. I know we've said things, did things that we didn't mean and we fall back into the same pattern, same routine. But this is my way of showing.

2011-05-23T11:42:00.002+08:00

Us. Perhaps the one thing I don't chase after and risk it all for. Why bother? If it's meant to be, it will. But I promise you, no matter the distance, I will always be here for you. Because I'm a space-bound rocketship and your heart's the moon and I'm aiming right at you, right at you. It's the path I've chose to go. Don't have my heart frozen by the ice in your soul.

2011-05-22T21:31:00.003+08:00

It truly amazes me; how similar we are to each other, yet so undeniably different. I often ask myself, how much do I know about this boy? Not much, I'm afraid so. As you sat right across me yesterday, I felt there was more than distance between us. And I couldn't find a train or a bus that will fix that. I won't deny I'm hurting, but what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. No, it's not selfish to ask for more. But some things, when spoken explicitly, inevitably lose its meaning and essence, isn't it? We were on the right track, but I was on the wrong train.

2011-05-15T23:56:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry, but I have to be Blair Waldorf before I can be Chuck Bass' girlfriend.

We only have one life to live, so you better make the best of it. So, break the chains that bind you and leave the past behind you. Because a whole new world is waiting.

2011-05-14T21:01:00.003+08:00

It's morning, you wake, a sunray hits your face
Smeared makeup as we lay in the wake of destruction
Hush baby, speak softly, tell me you're awfully sorry
That you pushed me into the coffee table last night
So I can push you off me
Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me
Run out the room and I'll follow you like a lost puppy

You may think your only choice is to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face. There is a third option: you can just let it go. And only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward. And that was the perfect ending to the perfect love story. It just wasn't mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me.

2011-05-13T00:42:00.000+08:00

Hi babe...

The last 4 days had been miserably long. I was terribly homesick and I couldn't stop whining the whole time. There was no physical pain; it was just sheer mental torture. If anything, this is just the beginning. Now it's another 4 more days of waiting, waiting and waiting. It is no wonder why they say that people spend one third of their lives waiting. I just want 5 minutes. Oh God, why are you doing this to me? Just why.

2011-05-07T16:30:00.002+08:00

Aimer. To love.

It is a reference to Edith Piaf’s biopic, La Vie En Rose (2007). At the end of the film and whilst Piaf is in her old age, she is approached by a journalist. Piaf was sitting by the beach— knitting. The journalist asks her simple questions, the last ones were:

What advice would you give to a woman?
Love.
To a young girl?
Love.
To a child?
Love.

So, If it came from a woman who had so many tragedies in her life, yet still managed to live and sing I am more than happy to look at this tattoo every day. So as to be reminded to love..

Alors.. Aimer..

2011-05-06T22:21:00.004+08:00

Alis Volat Propriis: She flies with her own wings.

I'll never be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you. And though I keep fumbling for the right words, all I really wanted to say was thank you. Thank you for standing by me, for lending an ear, for helping me out just by being near. Thank you for making me laugh. Most of all, thank you for believing in me :)

Now, let me go, let me live, let me smile on my own :')

2011-05-05T10:23:00.002+08:00

If you would let me?

2011-05-03T00:40:00.004+08:00

I have no clue how I reached the surface. But I did, and the first breath I took was so painful, and the second, and the third. Eventually, I could hold myself up...

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They don’t ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like ‘Maybe we should just be friends’ or ‘How very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love."

2011-05-02T11:39:00.005+08:00

"In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the spirit."

Albert Schweitzer

Hey you. The clock is ticking and we're racing against time. Makes no sense to play a game that in no way you would win. But who would promise us a sure-win? Noone would. You always say: Chances are for those who work hard for. Can we spend every single day together?

2011-05-01T23:33:00.002+08:00

When you fall down, you gotta pick yourself back up and keep on going because sometimes there isn't going to be a person there to do it for you. Make your own happiness. You just have to try. Have it your way. Don't keep me guessing for too long; I'm sure to find the answer somewhere else.

2011-05-01T14:51:00.002+08:00

No more words, no more lies, no more crying. No more pain, no more hurt, no more trying.
I deserve somebody who gives a shit. For sure. You know, it doesn't always have to be you?

2011-04-29T22:45:00.002+08:00

"and that's the thing with people who mean everything they say; they think everyone else does too". And now what am I supposed to say? When you can't understand my silence, how can you understand my words? Tonight I'm gonna gather my guts and tell you this: Stop making me want you. Please, just leave.

2011-04-29T20:32:00.003+08:00

And do you know what I think? I think we're dying. I see the signs; they are salient. I must be mad to think that it is real, that this is real. So, why do you do what you do to me? "Too much of anything makes you an addict." Head up. Just keep swimming. Don't stop. Keep it moving. But whatever it is, fuckyeahexamsrover (:

2011-04-27T12:28:00.003+08:00

Do something wild.

2011-04-26T23:32:00.001+08:00

Take me the way I am

If you were falling, then I would catch you

If you need a light, I would find a match

"I’m sorry for a lot of things, but most of all that I never got the chance to tell you that, no matter what happens next, I’ll never be anything but grateful for every moment I spent with you. And even though I keep fumbling for the right words, all I really wanted to say was thank you." - The Land of Women

2011-04-26T10:39:00.000+08:00

She is gold and nothing less
She is fearless

When we're together, I feel so invincible

So unbreakable

2011-04-25T23:59:00.014+08:00

I went on a battlefield today. Fought 2 papers. The more I know, the more I don't know. But we'll see, we'll see. On a happier note, we went running together today :O Late night dinner. Long journey home. I'm really tired but I'm really happy today because I laughed a lot (:

Keep smiling, keep shining.
Know that you can always count on me, for sure.

2011-04-24T14:36:00.002+08:00

2011-04-23T21:25:00.004+08:00

Don't give up, it's not the end

There's hope for every fallen man

To pick themselves up when they think they can't

Because with every passing second comes a second chance

Hope is what it is

With God, nothing is impossible

You make me smile, please stay for awhile now.

Even just for awhile.

2011-04-15T15:11:00.002+08:00

And when things got hard, you start to look for something to blame, like a big shadow. You gotta be willing to take the hits and not pointing fingers, saying: you ain't where you want to be because of him, or her or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that.

Go out and get what you're worth.

2011-04-15T12:27:00.002+08:00

Hello there bitchy :) I'm taking time out of my tormenting schedule to type this for you. So when you read this, I hope you will feel less lonely ;) and know that I'm stuck in the piercing silence of the library, pulling my hair, feeling desperate and buried in my notes. I'm sorry I can't be that someone who can keep you company for the whole of next week (although I would really love to!) Omgah school is killing me. Just give me two more weeks and I promise I'll be yours :) So before I get back to work, imma leave you with a picture:

You know what this means ;) xq's-&-mich's-july-motto: If we're not wasted, the night is.

Need to ketchup and kiss. Miss you babe.

2011-04-13T23:57:00.003+08:00

Always remember: Give nothing less than your best.

"It ain't about how hard you're hit

It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward

How much you can take and keep moving forward

That's how winning is done"

Don't let go now, we shall pull through finals

Even if we have to pull through mud, all the shit and what not

We will get there.

And if you can't hold on, on your very last try,

I'll be there in the morning to pull you through.

Let's go girls.

Build up. Last charge. Go!

Have faith, take heart & keep going (:

2011-04-12T10:16:00.002+08:00

You're not dead. With me around, no.

This is me typing in the piercing silence in the library on a Tuesday morning. A long day awaits. I've done this umpteen times and today will be no different. I miss my girlfriends. I actually miss the good old life. At times, I wonder how long can I do this for. This self-inflicted torture. Living in constant fear. It is depressing when everyday is a dread. Even on Fridays because it means that the weekends are just around the corner. Stay with me.

2011-04-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

"It's not that you haven't met people. You've met boys. And at first when the boys liked you, you played along. But then you found yourself in the park kissing this boy you don't like and looking for reasons to get away. Or in a bed freaking out because while you liked kissing and his ripped abs, you don't even know the boy in front of you. Because it was the kissing you liked, not the boy. And so you learn... And you watch as time changes, for then its the boys who were friends who told someone they liked you, and you watch as your friendship falls apart as you put up walls around you. You're just so scared."

2011-04-04T18:02:00.001+08:00

‘Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you're hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!’
-Rocky Balboa

2011-04-02T23:43:00.002+08:00

We can be the kings and queens of anything if we believe

It's written in the stars that shine above

A world where you and I belong where faith and love will keep us strong

Exactly who we are is just enough there's a place for us

Stop doing this to yourself. Don't go back to square one.

2011-04-01T10:31:00.004+08:00

I woke up to an apology. "Ha, joke", I thought. Maybe it's April Fool. Save it, there's really no need to say I'm sorry because I'm not buying it. I mean, what's the fucking point? It just doesn't work that way. And I'm not sorry to say that. I'm telling you right here and right now: with or without you, we're so gonna make it I swear. Just watch me. You know, you should be really scared right now; because if I were you, I would sleep with one eye open every night. Go ahead and be gone with it. And yes, fuck you.

2011-03-29T17:32:00.002+08:00

OMGAH. I. NEED. TO. STOP. THINKING. ABOUT. RUBBISH. AND. FOCUS.

2011-03-27T18:39:00.004+08:00

"But miles aren’t what separates us. I know exactly where to find you. You are right next to me. We don’t have miles, we have distance. I can’t find a plane or a bus that will fix that." I've fantasized enough about you; I'm done swimming in the warm honey. Now that I'm finished with you, I don't want to know you anymore. They are not the rule. They never were and never will. They're the exception.

2011-03-26T22:36:00.004+08:00

"The road to success is dotted with many parking places."

... and people settle in these parking places, where it is safe, comfortable and predictable.

We were the champion. We had our fair share of indulgence. Now let's put the past behind us and look beyond the glory. Yes, we think like winners, but we train like losers. Break boundaries. Reach higher. It takes more than being a champion to remain as one. Keep the hunger. Don't settle for less. Remember, don't park. Don't you dare. Just keep going, keep moving.

2011-03-23T21:36:00.002+08:00

I'm starting to see maybe we're not meant to be. I feel my presence growing in your absence. I'm so much better already :) I HAVE SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO AND THERE ARE JUST SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!! And I guess it's better this way. For the both of us. But it's a pity, really. Oh well, not meant to be!

2011-03-21T18:37:00.000+08:00

"Yesterday felt so unreal" and I'm indulging in every moment of it today. And I ought to be guilty of it. Another battle to go down for tomorrow morning. MIDTERMS. Need to do goal shielding. Stay fearless. Fighterrrrrrrr!

P.S. I wanna go to California to race!

2011-03-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

My very first golden cookies. We were so hungry for victory; so desperate to win. We had the strongest heart. Victory never felt so sweet. But "never let a win get to your head, or a loss to your heart". Remember the feeling when we cross the finishing line first. Work for it.

2011-03-19T21:07:00.001+08:00

2011-03-18T20:49:00.004+08:00

"Seeing is believing, but believing is seeing."

Third race tomorrow. There's absolutely no reason why we cannot do this. After all that we've gone through - our 6-days-trg-week, legs and paddles, gym-like-hell trainings and all the 1km we did, now faith is all we need. All the sweat, tears, blood and rain; there's no reason why we can't fight this pain. We gotta bring it all down to the boat, and fight till our last breath, till nothing's left. We will cross the finishing line, knowing that THAT was our best. And that even if we could do it all over again, there's nothing more we could give. We can do this. We've done it before and we will do it again. We don't need no cool shades or fanciful dyed hair to win; all we really need is each other :) Row for your family, for your friends, for sir and for every single one of your team mate. Failure is NOT an option. Let's go girls. Lai ah guo da!

2011-03-17T06:33:00.000+08:00

You make my heart skip a beat; you make my knees go weak.
No, don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up now. Not just yet.

2011-03-14T14:20:00.004+08:00

I can no longer stand the sight of you - because it destroys me.

"... there's one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed... It's over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is."

- Greg Behrendt and Amira Ruotola-Behrendt

2011-03-11T01:16:00.002+08:00

Keep it up. Keep this up. Sometimes, the person you want most, is the person you're best without. And it is okay. Or at least, I'm trying my very best to make it okay. Believe it when I say I'm doing my very best. Because I really mean it. I'm keeping my head up and holding tigher to my faith. And now, I finally see a faint light at the end of the tunnel; a glimmer of hope and that's all I need. At least for now. So I need you to disappear. I want you to disappear. Never come back. For always. Don't ruin what's left of me. I need this.

2011-03-05T23:40:00.002+08:00

I'm exhausted. From school, from trainings, from everything... Let us all stop talking, stop thinking and start feeling. Let us all not fight for someone who isn't even there. Ultimately, what you see is what you get. There's a difference between giving up and knowing you've had enough. And y'know what? This time round, I'm going to do whatever it takes. Really. Just watch me.

2011-03-04T00:15:00.002+08:00

You are not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it, not worth it, worth it, not worth it...

Just keep telling yourself that and you'll be fine.

2011-03-01T22:06:00.004+08:00

In Social Psychology lecture today, the lecturer pointed out a concept which I, personally, can relate to (very well) - Effort justification: Coming to like what we suffer for. The more you pay for something, the more you'd stick to it. The more effort you invest into and make sacrifices for, the more you would adjust or change your cognition (to believe that it is worthwhile), instead of changing your behavior.

I'd often think: What have I gotten myself into? The week never ends. Really. And this is mind-fucking. Every single day is becoming a recurring nightmare. And every night, I wear my training attire to sleep because having to strip every morning has become a chore and I really could use more time to sleep in. I've stopped talking. I just don't feel like it. I feel I've changed. To become extremely impatient, cynical, angsty... I don't want to be like this and I know it is becoming a problem but I just can't help it. It has become part of me.

Everyday, either my brain is fried or my mind is fucked, or both if I get "lucky".

That being said, I will not quit. Because winners don't quit, and quitters don't win.

2011-02-28T14:35:00.002+08:00

(via riskeverythingfearnothing.tumblr)

I sat down and looked at the situation, really looked at it. For what it truly was, not just what I wanted to see. All the broken pieces lying on the floor, it just wasn’t a puzzle anymore. None of the pieces fit together. And even if I tried really hard, the pieces, well they were now two different puzzles. That’s why I did it, and you need to understand this.

2011-02-27T20:27:00.003+08:00

If you do what you’ve always done, things will not change.

Tough times don't last but tough people do.

2011-02-24T22:51:00.002+08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I'd use whatever insignificant energy that's left of me to think. Right from the moment I lug my body out of bed for training to the time I can finally hit the sack, I just keep thinking. I can't stop, just can't get enough of it. And I'm really tired already. But now, I know what I really want. And this time round, it's not you that I want.

2011-02-19T00:09:00.001+08:00

... there is nothing sadder to see, than someone once smitten, their world lost and now trying to carry on, but every action they make is so superfluous because we all know it would mean more if it was made with someone else.

2011-02-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

whenever I see you, I just want you around (:

2011-02-16T22:20:00.001+08:00

Go away.

2011-02-15T22:12:00.000+08:00

Jaded.

But I will keep going.

2011-02-05T23:57:00.001+08:00

I'm just too far from where you are.

I've had my run, baby, I'm done.

It'll all be all right, I'll be home tonight, I'm coming back home.

2011-02-02T22:59:00.002+08:00

Settle your heart. Whatever it was, is over. Out of sight, out of mind.

Sometimes we just have to forget what we want to remember what we truly deserve.

2011-02-01T00:58:00.001+08:00

Feels good to know that some things haven't changed ;)

2011-01-30T13:47:00.002+08:00

So that’s the best advice that I could give - just keep moving forward and don’t give a crap what anybody thinks. You know, just keep moving forward and do what you have to do, for you. -Johnny Depp

... and we try, try, try but we try too hard it's a waste of my time.

2011-01-26T21:18:00.002+08:00

I get home every night, too tired to even talk to anyone.

This is getting bad.

2011-01-23T23:39:00.002+08:00

Here is week two at random.

"I'm sorry, but I have to be Blair Waldorf before I can be Chuck Bass's girlfriend."

I'm so in love with my Burlesque playlist.

My right hand is disfigured.

I. Am. Pretty. Damn. Exhausted.

I don't want to canoe tomorrow, on thursday and forever ):

Have been feeling pretty :D lately!

Am I not doing a good enough job?

I want to fly. Fly real high.

Punch it in. Pull.

Keep going, keep rowing.

Week 3 please be good.

2011-01-21T12:01:00.002+08:00

Hey you,

There's a spark in you;

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine.

Come, surprise me.

2011-01-18T22:19:00.001+08:00

"My eyes are wandering for some sort of urgent truth, my bones are hollow and my heart is empty. But I guess being empty and looking for answers is better than feeling something for the wrong ones? I don’t think I’m even making sense right now. It’s those chills on a sunny day you just can’t seem to shake."

Here's to a new beginning (:

2011-01-17T18:16:00.003+08:00

I really don't give a shit, just so you know.

But that is if I could, I'm telling you, I would.

So before I actually give a thought to putting my foot down your throat,

Wake up your stupid idea damn it.

Remember, you only get out what you put in.

2011-01-15T00:12:00.002+08:00

I want change and I want to be free.

2011-01-13T17:31:00.000+08:00

"Let that moment in time be allowed to exist indelibly and slightly flawed,
just as I am."

2011-01-10T22:05:00.002+08:00

Help. I need a little more help than a little bit.

2011-01-10T16:57:00.005+08:00

I'll make you...

... for breakfast (or whenever you want it).

2011-01-09T23:06:00.002+08:00

Just can't get enough of this song.

I need a little more luck than a little bit
Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit
And every time that I try I get tongue tied
I'll need a little good luck to get me by this time

Why is it always hard trying to deal with matters of the heart?

2011-01-08T21:42:00.002+08:00

1. I've got a couple of addictions but I swear that I'm coming clean.

2. Watch your temper.

I’m sober enough to have a sense of who and where I am. I’m drunk enough to think “fuck it” and do what I want anyway.

2011-01-08T15:21:00.000+08:00

I have a confession to make.

2011-01-02T21:57:00.003+08:00

This goes out to the people that have gone too soon in my life.

I remember everyone that leaves. I do.

My heart has no more room left for disappointments.

2010-12-30T13:13:00.004+08:00

(via riskeverythingfearnothing.tumblr)

Do not concern yourself with things you cannot control.

“If you begin to give away parts of yourself, eventually you’ll give it all. And once you’ve lost yourself, haven’t you lost everything?” No. It’s only once you’ve lost everything, you’re free to do anything. And sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself.
Don’t be afraid of letting people in.

Mean what you say. Say what you mean. "And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too." — The Kite Runner